Week 4 Recap / Week 5 Preview
FINAL NIGHT OF THE REGULAR SEASON: SOMEBODY'S GOING HOME TONIGHT
Your completely unbiased, highly professional bowling correspondent is back with the Week 4 breakdown and a very important message: it's crunch time, turkeys.
After four weeks of hurling balls down oiled hardwood, the standings have tightened, the stakes have never been higher, and tonight — TONIGHT — we close the books on the regular season. One team is about to have a very long drive home.
Week 4 belonged to Spare Parts, who didn't just win — they made a statement. A threat. A "don't test us" energy that frankly the rest of the league should take personally. Their 2071 net pins was the best two-game total of the week; they pocketed the top overall bonus, and they now sit alone in first place with 96 total points. MVP of the week? Glennon Montgomery, who went absolutely nuclear with a 440 net series. Derek Welch, Joe Carter, Dan Goldsbury, Pat Kelleher, and Sean Harrison were all accessories to the crime. Spare Parts is rolling. Do not poke the bear.
Hambone Heroes continue to look suspiciously like a championship team, which is very rude of them. They put up 1965 net pins in Week 4 and now sit second with 88 points. Jeff Dyke and Jeff Marois both dropped 434 net series — identical, as if they rehearsed it — and in doing so launched themselves directly into the MVP conversation. More on that shortly, because it is absolutely unhinged.
Bowling for Soup holds third with 68 points and, honestly? They're the most dangerous team in the building that nobody is panicking about yet. Their 1946 net pins in Week 4 keeps them comfortable above the cut line, but "comfortable" is a relative term when everything below them is basically a food fight.
After that, things get absolutely feral.
The real playoff fight is a five-team cage match involving the Mustache Bandits, Bowling Stones, Defending Champions, Marco Bowlo, and Who Do You Think You Are? I AM! — a team name that remains deeply confusing and deeply beloved.
Mustache Bandits are in fourth with 61 points, but there is zero margin for a relaxed attitude. Bowling Stones are right behind at 59. Defending Champions and Marco Bowlo are knotted at 56. That's a five-point gap between fourth and seventh place. You could sneeze and change the standings.
Only six teams make the playoffs. One of those teams — one that is currently in — is going home tonight. That's the deal. That's the drama.
Who Do You Think You Are? I AM! sits in eighth with 44 points. The math is not their friend. But big points are available in both games and the overall bonus, so they are not officially dead — they just need a monster night, at least two teams above them to completely fall apart, and perhaps a minor miracle. They should probably also stretch.
Playoff Picture Heading Into Tonight
🟢 Clinched: Spare Parts and Hambone Heroes. Pop the champagne. Or don't — there's still bowling to do.
🟡 Very likely in, but earn it: Bowling for Soup has a nice cushion in third, but a rough night can make things spicy real fast. Finish the job.
🔴 The Danger Zone: Mustache Bandits, Bowling Stones, Defending Champions, and Marco Bowlo are all scrapping for three remaining spots. This is the main event. This is why you showed up.
💀 Needs chaos: Who Do You Think You Are? I AM! needs a historically great night and divine intervention from the bowling gods. They should absolutely still try.
MVP Race: The Jeffs Are Coming, and They Brought Company
The MVP race is somehow even more unhinged than the playoff picture, which — respect.
Jeff Dyke leads the league with 1654 total net pins. His own teammate, Jeff Marois, is one breath behind at 1652. Also at 1652? Dan Goldsbury from Spare Parts. Three players. Two pins. One MVP trophy. This is not a race — this is a photo finish that hasn't happened yet.
And that's just the top three. Mike Connolly lurks at 1641, fully alive and absolutely aware of the situation. Nolan Moon is at 1631. James Dunoyer and Joe Carter are both at 1627. Mike Lawson is at 1619, quietly sharpening his bowling ball or however that works.
One big game tonight flips the whole leaderboard. One bad game ends a campaign. No pressure, everyone. Totally normal Tuesday.
Final Thought
Tonight is the last night of the regular season. First place is still contested. Three playoff spots are genuinely up for grabs. The MVP race may come down to the final frame of the final game, and whoever wins it will have absolutely earned the right to brag about it until next season.
Bring your A-game. Bring your backup A-game. Bring a calculator, a strong throwing arm, and whatever pre-game ritual has been working for you.
See you on the lanes. May your splits be few and your spares be plenty.